The Cute... The Sexy n' The Tiny (1982)

1982 - The Cute…The Sexy n’The Tiny (Liliw Films International) 

[Release date 25th December 1982] 

Director Eddie Nicart Screenplay Pablo S. Gomez Producers Peter M. Caballes, Cora Ridon Caballes Music Pablo Vergara 

Cast Berting Labra (The Cute), Pia Moran (The Sexy), Weng Weng (The Tiny), Dencio Padilla, Beth Sandoval, Bonnie “Mong” De Jesus, Tony Jay Consunji, Liza De Vera 

COMEDY/ACTION 

Interviews with Eddie Nicart, star Pia Moran and Bobby A. Suarez by Andrew Leavold

[Previously published in Leavold's book The Search For Weng Weng (2017)]

The Caballes were at the forefront of the Philippines’ advance into the world market via their Cannes and AFM visits, which makes their next foray into film all the more curiously retrogressive. The Impossible Kid’s end credits promised a sequel, “License Expired”; instead, Liliw Films International delivered a Tagalog comedy The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny (1982), directed by Eddie Nicart and starring a third-billed Weng Weng, was released during the Metro Manila Film Festival over Christmas 1982. It would prove to be Weng Weng’s final credited film appearance. Like all of Liliw’s Tagalog language features the film has been unseen since its brief theatrical run, and Eddie was sketchy on the details: “The last film with Weng Weng, he is a convict, like an Al Capone - he’s in prison and he gets out.” Was it a deliberate spoof on The Good, The Bad And The Ugly? "Yes, that’s the concept. I wasn’t the one who wrote it. Ninang [Cora] just gave it to me. I revised it as well, but still, it was Ninang Cora who wrote it." Weng Weng’s co-stars in this outing were Berting Labra, a prolific aging second-shelf comedian, plus hot-shot starlet Pia Moran, veteran comic Dencio Padilla, and For Y’ur Height Only’s Beth Sandoval.  

"The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny was just made for local audience," confessed Eddie. "There wasn’t really hope that it will be sold [internationally], and it was really intended for Manila. Or probably it was also screened in the provinces, I don’t know. Because, if you tanked here in Manila, but screened in key cities in the provinces, then you’d be able to break even.”  

"When it was made, Berting was just fresh out of Muntinlupa [City Jail]," said Eddie. Labra was jailed in 1969 along with fellow actor Eddie Fernandez for killing 28 year-old businessman Renato Pangilinan [88]. The victim had visited 17 year-old starlet Rosanna Ortiz on a movie set where co-star and former Pinoy Bond Fernandez, aka secret agent Lagalag, was drinking with Labra, comic sidekick to Fernando Poe Jr in the Lo' Waist Gang films. A presumably jealous Fernandez reported the pistol-packing Pangilinan to police, then followed him and in a jeep. Once Pangilinan's jeep was stuck in traffic, Fernandez, Labra and their three companions surrounded the car and opened fire. Rosanna Ortiz watched in horror as Pangilinan slumped over her with a bullet in his chest. Labra, sometimes known as Big Time Berto from his lead role in the eponymous 1959 gangster spoof, spent 13 years in jail; both Fernandez and Labra were pardoned and released. "We were the first ones to treat him after he got out, remembers Eddie. "I took him to Pagsanjan [in Laguna]. And then we took him to Lido beach. I was the one who treated him out. And of course, he just came out of the city jail, so we gave him a woman. He was at the beach for one week. And I was there as well, so I can influence him for the better…" Labra passed away quietly in 2009. Not so Eddie Fernandez, who died in a hail of gunfire following a chase with narcotics agents at a Makati checkpoint in 1993. "And then we got Pia, his leading lady. And Weng Weng. But it didn’t [go] boom. Because it’s better if Weng Weng was the sole lead; if there are others, it does not fare well."  

Petite comedienne Pia Moran entered show business several years beforehand. "One director invited me to be part of a film as an extra,” Pia said during her The Search For Weng Weng interview. “They tried it, because they said that my face has lots of beautiful angles. So they tried it, and they got me. I already had a job then, and I didn’t have any plans on being an actress… but they got me because my face has a lot of beautiful angles…That was before, I don’t know about now." Pia laughed. "But I first started in TV, I was known there as Ms. Body Language." She made sinewy moves with her arms. "When I dance, my body really moves. And so does my expression. My whole body moves. Also, there was a song that time called Body Language.” This was the same song Weng Weng once danced to on TV. “So that’s what they called me. That was how I made my mark. And the audience appreciated my dancing. That was how I got famous. Not because of film, but because of my dancing." 

A small role opposite Ramon Zamora in Dragon At Harabas (1979) led to further roles in goon comedies with Dolphy, George Javier, Cachupoy, and more frequently, Chiquito and Redford White. "It just so happened that they get me more for comedy roles. I don’t know. I seldom do drama. But comedy, yes. It probably was just by chance, though, that I was more into comedy and action, and a bit sexy." Her small frame and short to shoulder-length hair soon became a fixture in Tagalog goon parodies. "It’s difficult to make people laugh. It’s a good thing that some people still find me funny. And I’m also a bit flirty, and very bubbly, so people generally like me. But, I didn’t pursue it enough to have a film that I’m the lead star." 

An early lead for Pia Moran, A Man Called Tolongges (1981), also happens to be one of the more unforgettable Pinoy Western parodies, headlined by George Javier, a round-faced, droopy-lipped, bucktoothed Visayan comedian, singer and rapper often playing of Japanese or Chinese caricatures . As an unlikely bounty hunter, Javier is called in to find the kidnapped Estella (Pia Moran), currently in the clutches of super-bandido El Tigre (Paquito Diaz). With the help of the Arizona Kid (albino parody expert Redford White in an early role), they crawl across the desert, encountering the stick-thin Ram-bone himself, comedian Palito, playing "Djangolat"...but instead of a machine gun in his coffin, he has a secondhand junk shop. The real surprise is just how well the visual gags work, reaching at times a Zucker Brothers level of lunacy. Oh, and the opening theme is a Tagalog bastardization of "Country roads, take me home..."! 

Pia was also second lead to Redford White in Boni En Klayd and Sinisinta Kita (both 1981) by the time the Caballes cast Pia in The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny. She first met Weng Weng on the Caballes' set after shooting began. "He was really good, even though he’s not like us. He was unique. He’s a different kind of lead star. And you’d love him. And he was cute. And that’s why I automatically signed in to be in a movie with Weng Weng."  

What was your impression the first time you saw him? "That he’s so small! But that’s just a personal thing for me, because sometimes, I’d think…  I’d laugh in one corner, because it would suddenly occur to me that if me and Weng Weng got married… He’s so small. I think he’s the smallest person that I ever knew. And he’s a really good actor. It was nice, and you’d never tire of watching him. Because he really knows how to act, and he’s really a good action star. That’s why we’re very proud that he’s one of the little people who got famous. And that he’s from the Philippines. And I’m proud to have been in a film with Weng Weng." 

How was he as a friend, as a co-star? "He’s lovable. He smiles a lot. But you can’t understand when he talks." In what way? "He has a tiny voice. And so we all had to ask him - What did you say? But he’s nice." Did he ever get a crush on you? "He didn’t make a move on me. He was just a quiet person, always smiling. He wasn’t talkative at all. He talks mostly with the director, and the director gives him pointers. He talks in a very small voice. Like a dwarf’s voice. He’s cute. I like him. But we never got to have conversations. We just always smile at each other."

Like Eddie, Pia no longer remembered The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny. "In all honesty, I’ve already forgotten about it. I forgot what my role was, what my scenes were…. I didn’t follow-up with the shooting of that film. After my role was finished, I left. That’s it. But what I remember is we were in the film festival. I remember that we were on the Parade of Stars, but I don’t remember if it won awards or not. But we part of the parade." Pia had only vague recollections of Eddie's threadbare set. "But it wasn’t him who was tight-fisted. It was the producers. From low budget to almost no budget. Right?" 

Did you hear about the rumour that FPJ helped the Caballes book a slot for the 1982 Metro Manila Film Festival? "Yes. I heard about that." Were you able to attend the premiere? "No. I wasn’t able to attend, but I heard the news that Fernando Poe Jr helped the producers." 

According to Bobby Suarez, he was contacted by his former associates before The Cute… was exhibited. "They cannot find a theatre – even ONE theatre – that will show his movie. So Peter approached me with his wife and said, 'Bobby, can you help me?' At that time I was the Vice President of the Motion Pictures Producers' Association. So I said, 'I'll try my best.' And then I approached ex-President Estrada and I said, 'If we are not going to help the producer of this movie, he will lose a lot of money.' There is a chance that the picture can make good, but the theatre owner doesn't want to give a play date, even two days. So I told ex-President Erap, 'If we cannot help this small producer, I for one want out.' We were very close friends, so he said, “Don't worry, I'll try my best.' 

"A funny thing is that ex-President Estrada promised me something because I hurt his feelings, because I said this Association is not fair, you only care about the big ones, the small ones you don't care [about]… You know what he did? Called up Fernando Poe Jr and said, 'Ronnie, my friend, my brother, I want your picture out of the Festival' - the Metro Manila Film Festival – 'as that is the biggest theatre in Manila.' 'What?' 'I want to give it to Weng Weng.' He said, 'Why?' 'Well, our friend Bobby Suarez insisted that I give him the movie, but no producer would like to withdraw their own movie, and there is no theatre who would like to open this slot, and you are the only one who can understand me.' 'But you are asking me to lose money!' He said, 'Please, I beg you, or do you want me to kneel in front of you?' You know what FPJ said? He approached ex-President Estrada, embraced him tightly and said, 'You are like your friend Bobby Suarez, you are both a son of a bitch!' And then said, 'You can have it.' 

"Peter said after that, 'How can I repay you?' I said, 'Forget it. You deserve it, you worked hard for it.'"

Tony Duka remembers taking Weng Weng on a previous occasion to meet Da King, Fernando Poe Jr. "FPJ was so happy…'I've heard of you, Weng Weng!' They had pictures taken together. Then they would do karate, and it would kill FPJ!" Peter Caballes maintained a bond with FPJ, and they even started a film project together, The Unado Caballes Story, based on the life of Peter’s father, a well-known figure in Laguna. “Ronnie had gone shooting for two days,” FPJ’s half-brother Conrad Poe told me, “and after that I don’t know what went wrong – something like the script wasn’t prepared – and they had to scrap the project.” 

Despite losing several screens to the Caballes, Fernando Poe Jr's fantasy film Ang Panday...Ikatlong Yugto (“The Blacksmith...Part Three”), the third in his monstrously successful Panday franchise based on Carlo J. Caparas’ mythic komik hero, reaped a healthy box office return, second only to the MMFF's runaway hit Himala. Ishmael Bernal's study of religious mania and idolatry in a provincial village won nine MMFF awards, including Best Actress for Nora Aunor, and has since become one of the most highly-regarded films in the Philippine canon. Other films in competition included Marilou Diaz-Abaya's Moral, Eddie Romero's soap opera Desire, Haplos starring Vilma Santos, Christopher de Leon and Rio Locsin as an otherworldly love triangle, Elwood Perez's saccharine Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, a Tito, Vic, Joey and Nino Muhlach vehicle (Tatlo Silang Tatay Ko/”They My Three Fathers”) and two goon actioners (the Muslim-themed Magindanao, and Tulisan Ng Pasong Musang/“Bandit Of Pasong Musang” starring Ramon Revilla Sr).  

In their wake The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny washed in and out of Metro Manila theatres, barely leaving a watermark on the pavement outside, unseen since, and now forgotten by even those who involved in its spendthrift production. In just twelve months the Caballes slipped from being the highest-grossing producers at Imelda's film market to begging their friends and colleagues for screen space. It's unknown exactly why the Caballes made the film in the first place, as surely a low-budget comedy for the local market was a retrogressive step. Were they deterred from re-entering the export market because of diminishing returns from For Y'ur Height Only's two follow-ups? By straying further from the Agent 00 formula, were they confident in making a marginal profit, as they did in the Seventies? For whatever the reasons the film was created, it no longer exists. From all evidence available at the time, The Cute…The Sexy n’ The Tiny was Liliw's sad swansong, and Weng Weng's final screen appearance.  

Or so I believed... [see Caliber .357 (1984)] 

Did you ever see Weng Weng and the Caballes’ after the film, I asked Pia? "No. After that film, we never hung out, we never saw each other again. We lost contact. That’s it. And then I heard the sad news about Weng Weng’s passing. That he had a stroke and a heart attack. And I wasn’t even able to go to his wake, because it was too late when I heard about it… It was all of a sudden. We didn’t expect it. Because if it was just a stroke, it wouldn’t affect his heart. Well, probably. Because he’s small." Pia seemed genuinely moved by the recollection. "It’s really sad that Weng Weng has already left the industry. He had a big contribution here. And personally, he’s one of my favourite midget comedians." Personally, I'm amazed she has a list of favourite midget comedians.  

 

GUAM - released at the Hafa Adai 3 in October/November 1984, with Weng Weng making personal appearances