The Bamboo Gods Project: The Impossible Kid (1982)

1982 - The Impossible Kid (Liwiw Films International)

[Release date 23rd July 1982. Released in the US (unconfirmed) as “The Impossible Kid Of Kung Fu”, in France as “L‘Invincible Kid Du Kung Fu”, on French VHS as “007 ½: Rien Nést Impossible”, and on Swedish VHS as “For Y‘ur Height Only”]

Director/Stunt Coordinator Eddie Nicart Story Idea Cora Ridon Caballes [as Cora C. Ridon] Screenplay Greg B. Macabenta Producer “Twinkle” [Caballes] Executive Producer Peter M. Caballes, [uncredited] Cora Ridon Caballes Cinematographer Bhal Dauz Musical Director Pablo Vergara Theme Song Singer Ruby (Tokem) Tia Editor Edgardo “Boy” Vinarao Sound Engineer Vic Macamay Sound Effects Rodel Capuli Recordists Florencio Ortega, Mario Alcantara Production Manager Evelyn Baruelo Assistant Directors/Fight Coordinators Mando Pangilinan, Oscar Reyes Sub-Assistant Director Bert Soliman Makeup Artist Baby Gonzales Props/Setting Alex Pascual, Jaime Diono, Lito de Guzman Utility Rudy Montallana, Rico Menzon Legmen Bobby Caballes, Rod Reyes Assistant Editors Gini Celis, Boy Gloria, Danny Gloria Stills Roger Robles

Cast Weng Weng (Agent 00), Romy Diaz (Senor Manolo Cervantes), Nina Sara (Lolita), Tony Carreon (Don Simeon), Ben Johnson (Chief), Rene Romero (Sgt Romero), Efren Lapid (Guest 1), Lita Vasquez (Guest 2), Chicklet Moreno (Secretary), Ruben Ramos (Abdul), Joe Cunanan (Joe), Romy Nario (Mr X [also appears as one of Abdul’s nameless goons]), Ben Morro (Morro), Boy Banes (Agent 1), Renato Morado (Agent 2), Rolly [listed in opening credits as “Rowy”] Esteban (Agent 3), Vangie Evangelista (Agent 4), Amor Siron (Guest), Avel Morado (Guest), Jessie Lee (Minister), Jess "Og" Ramos (General de Vera), Jose Dura (Chief of Staff), Nini dela Rama (INP Chief), Jimmy Milallos (Hagad), Alma Siron, Barbara Manipol, Ailice Siron, Gina Samonte, Irene Robles The Americans George Gyenes (Fat Man in Pool), Lee Scott, David Anderson, Neils Elcehorn, Jack Holltz, Jim Crumrine The Goons Fred Esplana, Jay Grama, Erning Reyes, "Roland Falces"/Rolan Falcis, Eddie Samonte, Rey Abella, Lito Navarro, Gil Bandong, Joe Andrade, Jess Bonzo, Joe Estrada, Roger Santos, Remy Nocum, Ernie Gubaton, Mando Manarang, Tony Bongat, Ramon Tiangco, Jimy Custodio, Mike Manarang, Triumpo Garces, Rodrigo Faculto, Rey Garces, SOS Daredevils, Thunder Stuntmen, D’Professional [Stuntmen]

COMEDY/SPY/KUNG FU

Review and interviews with Eddie Nicart, editor Edgardo "Boy" Vinarao, prosthetics artist Cecille Baun and sales agent John Kater by Andrew Leavold

[Previously published in Leavold's book The Search For Weng Weng (2017)]

The miserable performance of D’Wild Wild Weng, coupled with Weng Weng’s Cannes visit and Liliw’s subsequent sales of For Y’ur Height Only, prompted the Caballes to craft a more direct Agent 00 sequel, The Impossible Kid, released in the Philippines in July 1982. As the returning scourge of the Secret Service, Agent 00 is brought into Interpol’s Manila branch by his Chief (Dolphy’s former bodyguard Ben Johnson), a low-rent version of M complete with his own Miss Moneypenny, to track down an international terrorist syndicate. Headed by a white hooded arch-villain named alternately as Mr X and Cobra, the terrorists are holding the Philippines’ top industrialists to ransom. Once kidnapped, the men are ordered to pay one million pesos, or else killed, says Mr X’s message to a group of intended victims - before announcing, “This message will self-destruct”, and the TV set explodes in a shower of sparks and cordite. Two businessmen, Senor Manolo (Romy Diaz) and Don Simeon (Da Best In Da West’s Tony Carreon), choose to pay Mr X’s demands but Agent 00 suspects foul play from the businessmen possibly from eliminating their competition, and he squeezes himself deep undercover to reveal the identity of Mr X.

The trail eventually leads to Manolo and Simeon’s yacht, where Manolo’s henchmen (all bald Ben Morro, Joe Cunanan and Ruben Ramos, all matching suits or black polo jumpers) overpower him, lock him in a bird cage (shades of Herve Villechaize at the end of The Man With The Golden Gun [1975]) and throw him overboard. Agent 00’s mole Lolita (Nina Sara) luckily rescues him in the nick of time, and he fights back, gunning down Manolo’s goons before the yacht goes up in flames – cut to toy boat exploding! - and the crooks believe their money’s safe. But NO – Weng jumps out of the suitcase, flattens Manolo and Simeon, and the baddies are arrested, leaving Agent 00 to embrace Lolita as the sun sets over the South China Sea.

Without For Y’ur Height Only’s surreal rescripting and preposterous English dubbing with bad Peter Lorre impressions, it’s not the same delirious experience; once again the literal transposing of the Tagalog script is handled by the same local team as D’Wild Wild Weng, supervised by Jess “Og” Ramos, who also plays the Chief’s superior, General de Vera. Musically the film offers the same hodge-podge of garbled Bond scores courtesy of Pablo Vergara and, more bizarrely, the theme to The Pink Panther (well, almost). Top of the Manila hit parade is the opener “The Impossible Kid” sung by a cabaret songstress who croons to her micro-hero: “I love you my Weng Weng, come to me and kiss me, I love you Weng Wengggggg!!!”

But in some ways, The Impossible Kid is a more coherent film and better paced than its predecessor, and not simply a goon free-for-all, courtesy of a tighter script by Greg B. Macabenta, author of numerous X-44 adventures. Cultural dissonances and dislocations are exploited throughout, whether intentionally or not. Eddie’s opening scene sees Weng Weng lowered from a roof by rope into an open window, only to stumble on a naked girl in shower. Naturally he plants one on the kisser, then scrams, leaving topless Hotel Honey as open-mouthed as The Impossible Kid’s audience of primarily children and parents.

The script also toys with the tension between appearances and reality. Much of The Impossible Kid’s humour revolves around Agent 00’s exasperated attempts to convince those around him he’s not a child (which rings true, making more than one scene slightly uncomfortable). During the first meeting with Senor Manolo, Agent 00 walks past the goon sentries (one says to another, “What in the hell is THAT?”) and strides confidently up to Manolo...

Manolo: Who the hell are you?

Agent 00: Interpol.

Manolo: Interpol? Are you crazy? Get the hell out of here. Guards!”

Manolo’s henchmen (including Dolphy’s stalwarts Fred Esplana and Jay Grama) enter the room.

Manolo: What the hell is this boy doing in here?

Guard 1: Well, er…

The guards pass him like a parcel from one goon to another. Weng does a flip, kicks them over, walks up to Manolo angrily and flashes his badge once again. “Ïnterpol here!”

Later he raids a massage parlour, where the owner stops him in his tracks.

“Hey, minors are not allowed in here…. or maybe you can’t read the sign?”

“Ïnterpol, sir.”

“Oh! I’m sorry sir, I didn’t know you’re an adult.”

The girls suddenly flock around him cooing like sex-starved pigeons as Agent 00 beats a hasty retreat. Again, parallel with Weng’s real life encounter with a bar girl in Baguio.

For all its deficiencies its joys are legion for those with the right set of X-ray specs. The Impossible Kid offers more ball-kicking, groin punching, an assassin in drag with explosive boobs, and an entertaining fight sequence in a karate dojo where a robe-clad Agent 00 takes on six goons - could it be the same place Eddie, Mando and Oca trained Weng Weng?

I asked Eddie if The Impossible Kid was a deliberate attempt to outdo For Y’ur Height Only? “Yes. It was really planned. Especially the stunts. And before shooting, we also have conferences to discuss what we’re going to do. I discuss it with my staff, and we also call in the main cast, those who will be involved. So they will be prepared, and so they will not be caught by surprise. And that’s why it was faster, because before we shoot, we prepare for all that we need.”

But was the intention that the stunts be grander? “Yes, because I want it to be at par with For Your Eyes Only. So, for For Y'ur Height..., I had ideas that were really designed for Weng Weng. The umbrella, jumping off of buildings, the flying gadget… There were lots of tricks that were different from normal films.”

Eddie certainly gives Agent 00 a new set of gadgets at his disposal, including a miniature motorcycle he zips around Manila on (and, I suspect, the same one he made his TV appearances on) to the high-pitched whine of a weed cutter. Chased by Manolo’s goons yet again, Agent 00 performs a breathtaking leap across a ravine - “breathtaking” until you see the visible wire, as he glides across in a perfectly straight line. “I have a cable above,” Eddie confessed. “The motorcycle has a gadget. It also has four strings. It’s connected to the cable above, and when you release it, the cables will start to move. Slides along the wire, lands on the other side. But the motorcycle was suspended in mid-air….” Looking back at the footage, the leap reminds me of For Y’ur Height Only’s jet pack ride to Hidden Island – and I’m surprised Weng Weng didn’t paddle his feet mid-air to make the motorcycle go faster.

In another “what in Hell?” moment, Agent 00 makes a quick getaway from a highrise by taking an agonizingly slow tightrope walk between one rooftop and another, using only an acrobat’s pole to balance himself. John Kater remembered hearing about the excruciating moment: “I remember Pete told me that Weng Weng did a tightrope walk between two buildings in Makati, and he refused to have a safety net! And Pete said, 'I was standing down there shitting bricks!' Horrified…"

“Ah, that’s a double gadget,” Eddie revealed. “Cables. So, he has a small cable in his suit, that’s connected to the cable above, and when he walks, it follows. So even if he falls, he won’t… And he’s holding (a stick) to add weight. Even the flying trapeze artists - that’s their main balance. But there’s a gadget above, that will keep you from falling. It’s just a small gadget. As thin as a guitar string, the piano wire."

There are echoes of For Y’ur Height Only’s umbrella jump in a similar scene in The Impossible Kid, in which Agent 00 jumps out of a hotel window holding a sheet above his head as a parachute, and plummets into a swimming pool below. His clothed frame is then scooped up by a greying, bearded bear of a man and held in his huge furry arms: “Mmmm, pretty boy! Handsome too!” Weng Weng beams up at him like a small child at Christmas, despite not knowing if the giant is about to kiss him or consume him.

Portly George Gynese was a regular bit player in Kimmy Lim’s Kinavesa/Silver Star films, and has a startlingly revealing role in Dick Randall’s white slavery sleaze Pleasure Island. "George married a woman from a sugar baron family in Negros,” Henry Strzalkowski remembered. “I believe he was of Hungarian descent - a very big man who had difficulty getting around because of his obesity. Nick [Nicholson, American expat actor] had a funny story about him on a shoot for Kinavesa where he got stuck in the close quarters of a small freighter's lavatory once on a shoot. Nick said they had to stop shooting for a while and get guys to help him get off the porcelain!” He laughed at the memory. “Very nice man, though. He would always be employed at Christmas as a Santa Claus actor and had his own costume and bell that he rang."

“No double,” Boy Vinarao had told me. But there was at least one documented occasion in which Weng Weng used a dummy. "That's the model of Weng Weng," Bruno Mattei’s prosthetics specialist Cecille Baun pointed out several years after my set visit, looking at one of the hundreds of Filipino actors' face casts mounted on the walls high above her Quezon City prosthetics studio. I must admit it was quite eerie seeing a facsimile of Weng's actual features staring down sightlessly from what looks like a ghastly death mask collection. On the walls near Weng Weng’s face were Paquito Diaz, Lito Lapid, Dolphy – practically the entire casts of Weng Weng’s casts! - while on the shelves below sit the busts of Bruno’s cone-headed ‘zombinos’ from Zombies: The Beginning. A huge Mananangaal, a bat-winged upper torso with vampire teeth, threatened to fall from the ceiling and crush us along with the snake boa wrapped around the seven-foot statue of Max Laurel from Zuma (1985). From his perch high above the action, all Weng Weng could do is watch with blank, impassive, plaster eyes.

"I cast him in our house to make like a Weng Weng doll. It's going to be used only in the airplane hanging there, with full armour, to be used in the flight scene." It's more likely that Cecille's Weng Weng doppelganger was used in The Impossible Kid when Agent 00’s cage is thrown into the sea.

"When he arrived at our house he ordered five bottles of beer," Cecille remembered. "I said, 'You're very small, you cannot finish five beers. I have there only three.' I said, 'Why are you going to drunk yourself?' 'Because I remember my girlfriend is like a daughter [to me]…'" She laughed. The maudlin Weng Weng was most likely referring to Nina Sara. "But he was not able to finish the three bottles. He just finished one and got drunk already!"

With Weng Weng's body encased in molds on Cecille's workbench, someone in the neighbourhood shouted FIRE! "We rushed outside to see," recalled Cecille, "and Weng Weng was stuck up on the table. He cannot rise because he was tied up there with plaster!"

Once again, Tony Maharaj bought the theatrical rights for the West Indies. “The second film, I paid for a little more, but it didn't do very well. The Impossible Kid, I paid $6,000 because in fairness to them, I felt that the first film had done well, and here was their second film, and when they asked me how much I would pay, I offered them $6,000 for it, and they were very happy. It didn't do great business.” Did it cover costs? “I think it may have covered or just fell below covering, but it was fine. For me, it is never always only about the money. I think in life if you just focus on the money, we lose focus on what we ought to be doing. That is the biggest problem.” So offering a more substantial amount was like a thank you to the Caballes? “Yes, because I think they deserved it. Here they were, struggling, making films they hoped would get out there somehow.”

Despite the company’s evidently high expectations, The Impossible Kid sold to a fraction of those territories who’d queued for For Y’ur Height Only. With such rapidly diminishing returns in the international marketplace, it’s clear there was room for only one Agent 00 picture. D’Wild Wild Weng and The Impossible Kid signaled to the Caballes that Weng Weng’s novelty that had worn itself out, and that they’d gone to the well more than one too many times. By the end of 1982, the goodwill generated by January's Manila International Film Festival appeared to have vanished for the local audience as well.

"The momentum wasn't sustained, no," John Kater agreed. "But this is the movie business! It's hype. In those days at film markets people were going around with glossy leaflets with big star names on them and a nice story, and they were selling the bloody films before they were made - they were selling the pre-production. And after a while people stopped doing that, that kind of market died down. But it's hype. You're selling hype. You've got to."